How to Feel Calm, Confident, and Prepared for Birth as a First-Time Mom
One of the very first moms to take my online birth course sent me a message I still think about. But here’s the part that made it especially meaningful.
She sent it while she was IN LABOR.
She told me they had used the BRAIN acronym to help make decisions and that she felt “at peace” while waiting for labor to ramp up. She felt empowered and like she had a say every step of the way.
Then she told me something her husband said. He was genuinely glad he had gone through the birth course because he felt more confident, involved, and prepared.
She said that alone made the course worth it. And THIS is what I mean when I talk about preparing for birth. It isn’t creating the perfect birth plan. It isn’t memorizing every intervention you could possibly encounter. And it definitely isn’t figuring out how to guarantee yourself a certain kind of birth.
I want you to be able to be in labor and think: “I understand what’s happening. I know what questions to ask. I have a say in my care. My husband knows how to support me. And I can be at peace even though I don’t know exactly what happens next.”
So let’s talk about what helped this first-time mom feel that way, because these are things you can start doing during pregnancy, too.
Prefer to watch?
I share her story and walk you through what helped her feel calm and prepared in the video below.
Have a Simple Way to Make Decisions During Labor
One of the things this mom specifically told me was that she and her husband used the BRAIN acronym during labor. BRAIN is a simple decision-making tool you can use when your provider presents you with a decision during pregnancy or birth.
B stands for Benefits. What are the potential benefits of doing this? R stands for Risks. What are the potential risks? A stands for Alternatives. What other options do we have? I stands for Intuition. After hearing the information and discussing it with my care team, what is my gut telling me? N stands for Nothing or Not Now. What happens if we don’t do anything right now? Do we have time to wait?
I love this tool because labor can be overwhelming. You’re contracting, you’re tired, there may be several people talking around you, and then someone walks into your room and recommends something you weren’t expecting. That is not the moment I want you trying to remember a 14-step decision-making process. 😂 BRAIN gives you and your husband five simple questions you can come back to.
And notice what this mom told me. She didn’t say, “I got everything I wanted.” She said she felt empowered and like she had a say every step of the way. There is a HUGE difference.
Being empowered during birth doesn’t mean saying no to every intervention. It doesn’t mean having an unmedicated birth, and it doesn’t mean your birth plan unfolds exactly the way you wrote it. It means you understand what’s happening, have the opportunity to ask questions, and are part of the conversation about your care.
Prepare for the Unknown Instead of Trying to Eliminate It
The second thing that stood out to me about her message was one little phrase: “I’m at peace.”
Remember, she sent this message while she was still in labor. She didn’t know how her birth was going to end yet. She was contracting and waiting for things to ramp up. There were still plenty of unknowns ahead of her, but she felt prepared for where she was.
I think that distinction is SO important when we talk about preparing for birth. The goal isn’t to prepare so thoroughly that there are no unknowns left. You can’t. Birth is unpredictable.
Instead, prepare so that when you encounter something you didn’t expect, you have tools to come back to. You understand the basics of what your body is doing. You know how to ask questions. You have coping techniques you’ve practiced. You’ve thought about what matters to you, and your support person knows how to help. Ultimately, you know God is with you even when you don’t know what is coming next.
That’s very different from trying to control your birth. Preparation gives you tools for the unknown. Control tries to eliminate the unknown completely.
Prepare Your Husband for Birth, Too
This might be my favorite part of her entire message. Her husband was genuinely glad he had taken the birth course. He felt confident, involved, and prepared.
I cannot emphasize this enough: your birth partner needs birth education, too. You are not going to want to teach your husband how to support you while you’re in active labor.
As an L&D nurse, I see partners who genuinely love these women and desperately want to help them. Sometimes they just have absolutely no idea what they’re supposed to be doing. 😂 Should I rub her back? Should I talk to her? Should I stop talking? Should I get the nurse? Does she need water? Should I just stand over here and try not to breathe too loudly?
Birth education gives your husband a job. He can understand what is happening physiologically and recognize some of the changes that happen as labor progresses. He can help you use coping techniques you practiced together. He can ask questions when you’re focused on contractions, use BRAIN with you, remember your preferences, and remind you of the things you talked about before labor.
I don’t want your husband standing beside the bed feeling completely helpless. I want him thinking, “Okay. We talked about this. I know how to support her.”
Birth preparation isn’t only about preparing the mom. You’re preparing a team.
What Does It Actually Mean to Feel Prepared for Birth?
This mom’s message wasn’t sent after her baby was born, and that matters to me. This wasn’t a perfectly wrapped birth story written afterward when she already knew everything turned out okay. She was still in it. She was contracting, waiting, and didn’t know exactly what was coming next.
And the words she used were peace, empowered, and had a say. Her husband felt confident, involved, and prepared.
THAT is what I want birth preparation to give you. Not control over your birth, but tools for walking through it.
You Can Prepare for Birth Without Trying to Control It
If you’re a first-time mom, it can be really tempting to think feeling prepared means knowing exactly how your birth is going to go. It doesn’t.
You can have preferences and make plans. You can educate yourself, practice coping techniques, prepare your husband, ask questions, and make informed decisions. And you can still acknowledge that there will be parts of your birth you cannot predict.
For me, Christian birth preparation is about learning to hold both. Prepare really well and trust God really well. You don’t have to choose between the two.
Want to Feel More Prepared for Your Birth?
If you’re reading this thinking, “YES. This is how I want to feel going into labor,” this is exactly why I created Faith Greater Than Fear Birth™.
It’s my Christian childbirth education course where I walk you and your husband through how labor works, coping with contractions, pain management options, common interventions, informed decision-making, birth preferences, partner support, and preparing spiritually for birth.
My goal isn’t for you to finish the course thinking, “I know exactly how my birth is going to go.” I want you thinking, “I understand what’s happening. I know my options. I know how to ask questions. My husband knows how to support me. And even if this doesn’t go exactly the way I pictured it, God is with me.”
LEARN MORE ABOUT FAITH GREATER THAN FEAR BIRTH™
Watch Next: How to Prepare Physically, Mentally & Spiritually for Birth
If you want to know exactly what you can start doing during pregnancy to prepare for your own labor, watch How to Actually Prepare for Labor and Birth: Physically, Mentally & Spiritually next.
With love,
Lauren
