Scared to Give Birth? A Christian Guide to Overcoming Fear of Childbirth
If you love Jesus but you’re still scared to give birth, I want you to know something right away: being afraid does not mean you don’t trust God. You can have faith and still be nervous about the pain. You can trust God and still worry that something might go wrong.
You can love Jesus and look at your growing belly and think,
“Okay... this baby has to come out somehow.” 😂
After more than 10 years as a Labor & Delivery nurse, I’ve cared for a lot of women who were afraid of birth. And I don’t think the answer is simply telling a scared pregnant woman to “trust God” and stop being afraid.
Instead, let’s talk about what you can actually DO when fear starts taking over your thoughts about labor and birth.
Prefer to watch?
I walk you through these three practical steps in the video below.
Figure Out What You’re Actually Afraid Of
Saying “I’m scared to give birth” is completely valid, but it’s also really broad. If we want to actually work through that fear, we need to figure out what’s underneath it.
Maybe you’re worried about the pain or wondering if you’ll be able to handle contractions. Maybe you’re afraid of tearing, getting an epidural, being induced, needing a C-section, or something happening to your baby.
Or maybe it’s less about what happens physically and more about how you’ll feel. You’re afraid of losing control, not being listened to, or feeling disappointed in yourself if your birth doesn’t go the way you hoped.
And sometimes the fear isn’t even coming from your own experience. You heard someone else’s traumatic birth story and now you can’t stop wondering, “What if that happens to me?”
Those are all very different fears, which means they may need very different things. So instead of letting “I’m scared to give birth” hang over your pregnancy like one giant cloud, I want you to get specific.
Grab your journal and finish this sentence:
“When I think about giving birth, I’m afraid that __________.”
Then do it again. And again. You may even want to come up with five answers. Once you know what you’re actually afraid of, you can start asking what that fear needs.
Maybe you need more education about what actually happens during labor. Maybe you need to practice coping techniques. Maybe you need to talk through something with your OB or midwife. Maybe you need to make a plan. And every single one of those fears can be brought to God in prayer.
But you may also discover that underneath some of your fear is something harder to admit: you’re trying really, really hard to make sure your birth goes a certain way. And that brings us to the difference between preparing for birth and trying to control it.
Learn the Difference Between Preparation and Control
I am a HUGE believer in preparing for birth. I teach childbirth education, so of course I want you to prepare!
I want you to understand how labor works before you’re actually in it. I want you to know your options, practice coping techniques, understand common interventions, and know how to ask questions and participate in decisions about your care.
And I want your husband to prepare with you, because six centimeters dilated is not the ideal time to give him a crash course on how to support you. 😂
But there is a difference between preparing for birth and trying to control your birth. Preparation says, “I’m going to learn what I can and prepare for the birth I hope to have.” Control says, “If I do everything right, my birth will go exactly the way I planned.”
After more than 10 years working in Labor & Delivery, I can tell you that birth simply doesn’t work that way.
I’ve watched women prepare for unmedicated births and ultimately choose epidurals. I’ve watched women plan on getting epidurals and have their babies too quickly to get them. I’ve seen inductions become beautiful vaginal births, and I’ve seen completely uncomplicated labors suddenly need a C-section.
Birth can surprise you.
That doesn’t mean preparation is pointless. Quite the opposite. You can influence a lot about your birth. You can educate yourself, communicate your preferences, advocate for yourself, ask questions, and make informed decisions.
What you can’t do is guarantee the outcome. And I actually think there’s a lot of freedom in admitting that. Your job isn’t to figure out how to control every possible outcome before you ever have your first contraction. Your job is to prepare well for what you can and trust God with what you cannot control.
If fear of labor has been taking up way too much space in your pregnancy, this is exactly why I created Pain Into Purpose.
Pain Into Purpose is my 30-minute birth class for Christian moms where we talk about what actually makes labor hurt, how fear can affect the way you experience contractions, practical ways to cope with labor, and how your faith fits into all of it.
And that brings us to something I think Christian women especially need to hear.
Stop Treating Faith Like the Absence of Fear
Sometimes we put an incredible amount of pressure on ourselves because we think, “If I really trusted God, I wouldn’t be scared.” But experiencing fear does not mean you’ve failed to trust God.
Look at Psalm 56:3:
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
I love this verse for birth because it doesn’t say if I’m afraid. It says when. Fear can show up. And when it does, you have somewhere to put it. That’s what I mean when I talk about Faith Greater Than Fear. It doesn’t mean you never experience fear. It means fear doesn’t get the final word.
And I want you to start practicing that now, during pregnancy. You don’t want the first time you try to surrender your birth to God to be when you’re eight centimeters dilated. When you notice fear coming up, instead of only praying, “God, please help me not be scared,” tell Him what you’re actually afraid of.
Maybe it’s, “God, I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle the pain.” Or, “God, I’m afraid something will happen to my baby.”
Maybe you really want an unmedicated birth and you’re afraid you’ll feel like you failed if you change your mind. Maybe you’re afraid of losing control or that your birth won’t look anything like the birth you’ve pictured. Bring that fear to Him specifically.
Then find truth in Scripture that you can return to when the fear comes back. Isaiah 41:10 reminds us, “Fear not, for I am with you.” Psalm 56:3 gives us something to do with fear when it comes: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
You can start practicing this with your husband, too. Talk about what you’re afraid of. Pray over your birth together. Choose a few verses you want to come back to during labor and write them down somewhere he can easily find them when you need them. Because preparing spiritually for birth isn’t something you have to save for the delivery room.
Faith Doesn’t Mean You’ll Get the Exact Birth You Prayed For
There’s one more piece of this that I really want Christian moms to understand.
Faith is not believing that if you pray hard enough, God will give you exactly the birth you want. You can absolutely pray for the birth you desire. You can pray to go into labor naturally. You can pray for an unmedicated birth. You can pray for a vaginal birth. You can bring every one of those desires to God.
But our faith cannot depend on getting the outcome we asked for. Sometimes birth changes. Sometimes the safest decision isn’t the decision you hoped you would have to make. Sometimes your body needs help. Sometimes your baby needs help.
None of that means God left you.
Getting an epidural doesn’t mean you didn’t trust God enough. Being induced doesn’t mean you failed. Having a C-section definitely doesn’t mean you failed.
The goal of birth isn’t to prove how much faith you have by having a certain kind of birth. Faith Greater Than Fear isn’t believing, “Nothing scary is going to happen.” It’s knowing, “No matter what happens, I will not be alone.”
You Don’t Have to Be Fearless to Give Birth
If you’re scared to give birth, you do not need to spend the rest of your pregnancy trying to become completely fearless. Instead, start getting curious about your fear.
Name what you’re actually afraid of. Learn what you can. Prepare your body and your husband. Ask questions. Talk with your provider. Bring your specific fears to God. Fill your mind with Scripture you can return to when those fears show up again.
Prepare well for the things you can influence, and practice surrendering the things you cannot control. You don’t need to walk into labor thinking, “I’m not afraid of anything.” You need to walk into labor knowing what to do when fear comes.
Ready to Start Preparing for Birth?
If you’re reading this thinking, “Okay, I know I’m scared, but I have no idea where to actually start preparing,” start with Pain Into Purpose.
It’s my 30-minute birth class for Christian moms where I’ll teach you what actually makes labor hurt, how fear can affect the way you experience contractions, practical ways to cope with labor, and how your faith fits into your birth preparation.
And if you want to see what this kind of preparation can look like during actual labor, watch this next:
From Scared of Birth to Calm & Prepared: What Helped This First-Time Mom
With Love,
Lauren
